It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Fridaaaaaay… fuck! Why am I singing that song? I fucking hate that song. I fucking hate that girl. Fuck yeah, it’s Friday! I’m gonna look so cute and get so drunk with my friends and dance. Yeah, I can’t wait to fucking dance! I better start getting ready since it’s going to take me 3 hours. I should put on some techno before I get in the shower. I only like techno because everybody else likes it. David Guetta, where you at? Ok, cool. My music’s so fucking loud my neighbors probably think there’s an earthquake. Hopefully they’ll remember those stupid fucking cupcakes with little Santa hats I made them for Christmas and not call in a noise complaint. Pink is my favorite color.
Oh wow, that hot shower was amazing. My hair smells like fucking rainbow sprinkles and glory and my legs are so satiny smooth a midget could use one as a stripper pole. Oh fuck you, tiny tiny ankle hair! Every time. La la la make up, make up, make up. Doo doo de doo big hair, big hair, GIANT fucking fluffy hair. Ladee doo de doo sparkly lotion, shit yeah.
Ok, what should I wear? Do I want to accentuate my ass or my tits tonight? Hmmmm… both! Duh. Ok, where’s all that shit I bought at Forever21 yesterday? Gawd, I can’t believe I got 37 items for $143. Fuck, I’m awesome! My girlfriends are going to love my new sequins skirt that barely covers my vagina and they’re going to be so fucking jealous of my brand new teeny tiny tube top. Oh shit, what’s this? A fucking rip in my new tube top? My tits must finally be getting bigger. Forever21 has the best quality shit, there’s no way that was already there. Oh well, I got one in ever color of the fucking rainbow. I’ll just wear the shiny gold one instead. Is gold in the rainbow? It should be. I love rainbows.
Ok, my girlfriends should be here any minute for pre-drinks. They’re going to love the assortment of jellybeans I got us for dinner. Lalalaaaa box wine is so mother fucking YUMMMMMY! Oh my gawd, my gold tube top is so rad. It’s like gold tube top inception. Like a gold tube top within a gold tube top. I’m pretty.
Oh my gawd they’re here, I feel like I haven’t seen them in years even though we just went to sushi happy hour last night! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! They look so fucking cute but I still look the hottest! Tube top, what whaaaat!! Oh my gawd, they love all 3 of my cats. Mister Meowfuck Meowington is so fucking cute I can’t stand it. They wish they had my cats. Jenny wishes she had my new gold tube top, I can tell. She’s always jealous of me. SHOTS! Oh my gawd, I fucking love SoCo and Lime! I can’t wait to fucking dance my face off! Let’s go!
Wait! I forgot my
’s Secret Body Spray. There, now I smell like puppies and birthday
cake and desperation. LOVES IT! Victoria
I love singing Britney Spears in the cab with my slutty friends. SO. MUCH. FUCKING. FUN! Oh my gawd, Taco Bell. I’m gonna tear the shit outta fourth meal later! I want those twisty cinnamon goodies all over my fucking bod. What, Mister Taxi Driver? You don’t take cash? Since when? I wonder if I can pay him with a nipple slip and bubblegum? Perfect. Here, drop us off right here so we can walk past this group of hot guys. They’re all wearing True Religions, gawd they’re so hot. Oh my gawd, these shoes are so hard to walk in. I bet we look like a group of zombie hookers trying to walk in these 6 inch stilettos but my ass looks fucking hot. I love Hello Kitty.
Sweet, I love getting stamped at the club. I feel so fucking special even though we had to wait in that line for like 20 minutes. SHOTS! Oh my gawd, bubblegum vodka! Gimmeeeee!! This is my jam! I’m such a good dancer. I need more body spray. Oh my gawd, this is my fucking jam too. I’m gonna request the Black Eyed Peas. I wish I was Fergie. SHOTS! Oh my gawd, I’m so fucking drunk. Oh, cute boys! Let’s get them to buy us shots and talk about my cats and my new gold tube top. And techno! Wow, this boy is so fucking cute. I can’t remember his name. I’m just gonna call him V-neck. Since he’s wearing a V-neck. Wait, they’re all wearing V-necks. Ok, I’ll call him Cookie Cutter, since he looks like him and all his friends where all made out of the same fucking cookie cutter. JUST. LIKE. US! Yes! We are so meant to be. Maybe Cookie will eat Taco Bell with us later. Cookie smells like pine needles and Monopoly Money. Yum! I’m gonna show him my lower back tattoo. It was supposed to be a butterfly but it looks more like a Rorschach Ink Blot Test. I love Christmas. I’m gonna go dance with Cookie and rub my booty all over his True Religions. Oh my gawd, my song! I fucking LOVE Ke$ha even though she looks like a dinosaur. SHOTS! Yum, I love special milk chocolate chip icecream birthday cupcake blow job shots! Those are my fucking favorite. Body spraaaay! Taco
. Get Cookie’s digits. Taco mother fucking Bell .
Lets go! Gawd, Jenny is so
wasted. I can’t deal. Taco Bell . I think Cookie is my soul mate. I hope he calls me and asks me to go to the
Cheesecake Factory. Our kids would be so
fucking cute. I like cheese. Bell
Holy shit, fuck, that Taco Bell was so fucking good. I just wanna put on my ex-boyfriends football jersey and spoon my fucking kitty cats and dream about marrying Cookie. I wonder why eggs don’t have a born on date? Oh my gawd, tonight was so fucking fun. I danced so good. Everyone loved my shiny tube top. I can’t wait to do it again tomorrow. But we’re leaving Jenny at home. She’s such a skank. I can’t wait to wear my shiny silver tube top tomorrow night. Oh my gawd, I love me.