**Note: In order for you to understand the following, you must read the page I’ve linked first.
…And so it seems I have a little internet love interest on my hands. Can you blame him? Anyhoo, Mister Always Right kindly asked me not to put him “on blast” on my blog, yet with a lot of careful consideration I feel that I would be robbing the general public of what may very well be a modern day fairytale. However cynical I may seem to be, I am a devastatingly hopeless romantic to the fucking core and I can appreciate these bold tactics. So, Mister Always Right, at the risk of you holding a grudge before our first date, I write to you. This is not to put you “on blast” but rather to negotiate our relationship proceedings, hear me out.
First, and most importantly, I must tell you, the pussycat is non-negotiable. There is no amount of back rub coupons that I would trade my beloved feline friend for, zero. Her name is Coco LaRue, you will love her. I do have a counter offer though. We will build a west wing in our love castle and have a cat sanctuary there, yes? Hopefully you can set aside your cat issues… in the name of love. We can still get a dog too, a golden retriever named Pancake. But babe, (can I call you babe? No? Whatever,) can we still get a monkey?
We also must address your tendency to low-ball. I’m not a big fan of low balls. Fast balls, yes. Basketballs, sure. Cottonballs, nope. But low balls, get the fuck outta here. This package, no matter what the trade in, is always going to be worth more than a back rub coupon, or a coupon of any kind for that matter. Capeesh?
Boo, (can I call you Boo? No? Whatever,) to say that I’m intrigued by your snow removal abilities would be an understatement. It’s very super hero-esque, and quite frankly makes me wonder what else you can remove just by looking at it. Also, I’m a sucker for a good spooning sesh so to learn that this is a talent of yours as well has earned you serious bonus points. But I’d like you to know that I am the inevitable little spoon so I hope you like being the big spoon, I’m not flexible on this.
In short, you have my attention, you piqued my interest, and I was reading with a wry smile on my sweet little face. So now what? Are we dating? Are we exclusive? Are we seeing other bloggers? I’m traditional; I’ll let you take the lead on this. I’m in no rush to get married, or adopt any black babies, (oh yeah, we’re going to have black babies) so we can take it slow. Oh, and one minor detail, I’m always right so you might want to start brainstorming a new name for your blog.
Love you, Love your Shoes