Welp, Jamie Lee Curtis and our friends at Activia have done it again! Staying true to their “didn't really think that one through” theme, Activia brings you Activia Dessert. The probiotic marketing team chose “a wonderful ending to your dinner” as the new yogurt’s slogan. While we all have our different variation on “wonderful endings” I’m sure most of us can agree that shitting your pants at the dinner table isn’t one of them. A+ you fucking idiots, keep’em coming.
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| Only YOU can help prevent Bieber Fever |
-Tabloids: who are these jokers? Did you know some wise guy made up that my Snookie kicked the bucket a couple weeks ago? MADE IT UP! What are they trying to do, kill me!?! The Snook is not dead, I follow her on Twitter, homegirl’s alive and kickin’. But this little scare just reminded me how grateful I am for Snookers and just how much I love that little meatball. Sometimes you need to think people are dead to realize how much you appreciate them, ya know?
-Hey Taco Bell, 35% real meat? Really guys? Good luck to you and your future endeavors. Better start thinking back inside the bun, people.
-And hey Jared from Subway, do you even have a real job anymore?
-Playboy makes perfume now. Why the fuck would anyone wanna smell like a Playboy? Vom.
-In the last 2 days I have had troubles opening a pickle jar, opening a bottle of nail polish, removing snow from my car and spooning myself. It may be time for a monkey... or a boyfriend.
-Whatever happened to Blossom? She must be rolling over in her grave because hats are so IN right now. She’s dead right? Or just her career?
-I am this close to boycotting bagels and donuts altogether. Who’s the funny guy who decided it would be a good idea to punch a hole in my food and where the fuck does it go, huh? Are they just throwing the middle away? I know a lot of people who would love to eat the middle and I’m one of them. Dickheads.
-Jessica Cutler – The Washingtonienne
Perhaps I am the last to learn of this 6 year old sex scandal, I’m not big on sluts or politics so I’m not surprised I was in the dark. However, a girlfriend of mine turned me on to this little drama on the Hill recently and I’m so intrigued. This Jessica Cutler girl is a fucking nightmare! A hot mess, a walking shit show with serious daddy issues. I fucking love her! This broad worked in the Senate office, carried on multiple kinky-weird relationships within the office and blogged in detail about her sexcapades in an X-rated blog. She kept complete anonymity for like 15 days then someone found her out, blew her cover and the ho got canned in a hot minute. I mean, the stuff she writes… you cannot make this shit up. It’s un-fucking-real. Bitch has a book out now, I’m buying it ASAP… in paperback and on tape. Below is the link to her daily postings, you should definitely familiarize yourself if you haven’t already.
The Lost Washingtonienne
-To the weirdos with foot fetishes... I'm on to you. Did you know that I can find out where my traffic comes from on my blog via search words? Did you know that I have caught you looking at my feetsies from your mom's basement? Did you know that's fucking sick? This is Live From the 4th Floor, not Live From the Foot Whore. This is a satirical blog about, well... pleople like you! Get off my walkers and get a job ya creep!
(note: the search word)
lylys
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