Public Service Announcement: Pajama Jeans
Pajama Jeans suggests that it’s “a struggle to fit into ordinary jeans, they’re uncomfortable and leave marks on your skin.” Folks, if you feel this way about your jeans this means one thing and one thing only… you need to go up a size, Tubby! Pajama Jeans also suggests that they fit every figure like a sexy second skin. Trust me, not every figure needs a "second skin." "Second skins" are not always sexy… shit the sound of "second skin" sounds like a term you would hear in a burn unit. In general we should all try to divert from "second skins" of any kind, capeesh?
If you’ve already purchased your Pajama Jeans, there’s good news for you. You have 60 days to figure out you look fucking stupid and you can still get your $39.95 back. Shit, I’d pay $39.95 to have HazMat clear that hazardous material out of my house. Hazardous to what you ask? Oh I don’t know, your reputation, your dignity, your family name… the list goes on and on.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “but it comes with a free gray crewneck T-shirt, Lindsey.” Stop it! If you must don a cheap, ugly, gray crewneck suitable for an 8 year old you can pick one up at Old Navy for about 69 cents. I know that seems like a fortune but the best things in life are not always free. I also understand that you wouldn't want to be caught dead at Old Navy but that’s the price you must pay for ugly clothing. Sorry.
Basically the only good reason to purchase a pair of Pajama Jeans is if you want to give a pair to your girlfriend so that she breaks up with you… if that’s the case, go for it! I’d actually pay $39.95 to watch that mini soap opera play out as well.
Do I need to delve further into this? Do we need to revisit the Snuggie fiasco of 2009? I didn’t think so.
Just say no to Pajama Jeans.