Free Lohan

Oh, Lindsay Lohan. Dear, sweet, hot, twisted, freckled, fucking mess, Lindsay Lohan. What went wrong, Sweetie? Dina didn't do this damage all on her own, no way. Something serious went wrong at birth. Either they injected you with stupid or you are missing some pretty imperative brain cells, the kind that are crucial to decision making skills and paramount to well, basically just general survival. Get it together lady! Why are we stealing jewelry? You have money right? Even if you don't, you can’t go walking around stealing shit, not even bubble gum. It’s not like people won't recognize you, Linds. You'd have been better off stickin’ up the joint in a Nixon mask. And if orange wasn't my color (thankfully it is) I'd be thinking long and hard about how I was gonna pull off a jewelry heist. But you just waltz in and waltz out? Who do you think you are, Sean Connery?

The fact of the matter is, I'm rooting for you. Although you lack any real talent, your role in Mean Girls really moved me. I mean if you can watch that flick without shedding a tear, you have no soul. I’m Team Lohan and we will get through this together. This little downward shame spiral has officially hit rock-bottom… again. My first suggestion is to cut your hair like your girl Sam Ronson and just blend in to the background for awhile. Hire a new mother, eat your fruits and vegetables and lay off the extracurricular drug use. This should be a good start. We need to get this little mess cleaned up though, Sistergirl... boys don't like girls with Grand Theft Felony charges.  Call me when you get out, you need new friends.

lylys