As I'm sure the rest of "Middle America" did, I too Tivo'd and watched the Charlie Sheen interview on 20/20 last night (twice.) I'm sure this train wreck will stop being such a spectacle in a couple of days but right now its just too fucking hard to turn my head. That being said, I'm about 30 IQ points up since last night's episode, here's what I learned...
-One must be extremely cautious when taking the new designer drug known as 'Charlie Sheen' (insert jazz hands.) If you try it once you will die, your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. It’s supposed to be awwwesome!
-There really are droopy eyed armless children out there.
-While I was mistaking Charlie's brain for ate up, it turns out its just a “highly evolved brain.” Ah, that makes more sense.
-Chuck Sheen does in fact have tiger blood and Adonis DNA, I Googled it, duh.
-Tiger Blood + Adonis DNA = Magic
-Magic = Winning
-Hookers accept credit cards.
-The devil takes Ambien instead of Asprin.
-You can drink water through your eyes.
-"It’s on" ...always.
-The cure to everything is to simply close your eyes and change your brain, duh.
-If Charlie really likes you he will hug you and rub your head.
-The set of Two and a Half Men smells of chicken pot pie.
-Charlie Sheen doesn't sue for cash, he sues for gold and toupees... by the ton.
-Chuck's brain fires in a way that is maybe not part of this particular terrestrial realm. I
knew it!
Observations:
-Mel Gibson reached out to help Charlie Sheen. Oh good, there
is hope... NOT! Two cracked out, prejudice, bi-winners... talk about the epitome of the blind leading the blind.
-Hot Shots Part Deux was never mentioned during this interview proving this flick is too often overlooked and highly underestimated.
-Charlie Sheen recycles; he reuses his plastic water bottles... as ash trays.
Final Thought: Who would win in a thumb war, Chuck Sheen or Chuck Norris?
|
This is your brain on Charlie Sheen |
"Dying's for fools" -Charlie Sheen
WARNING: Charlie Sheen will self-destruct in 3... 2...
lylys