The Birthday Experiment

My birthday is next week (September 30th) which is good because it means I haven’t done anything stupid enough to stop the birthdays from happening. It’s also good because I happen to love birthdays, what’s not to love? There are usually pancakes involved, I like that the mail I open that day is probably not going to ask me for money but rather give me a little and birthdays are a sure-fire excuse to get hopped up on champagne on your lunch break and proclaim you’re not going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. I always try to do something a little interesting on my birthday each year. This year I think I’m going to get a few dozen prints made, go to Target and put my picture in all of their picture frames, really shake things up in the 5x7 department. We’ll see…

Every year starting on October 2nd I begin thinking about what I’m going to ask for the following year. I think it’s quite considerate of me to provide my loved ones with a list and I deem it necessary to think outside the box a little so that they don’t have to. I’ve provided for you a glimpse at some of the items from my otherwise extensive list for Birthday 2010… here it is in all its glory.

A Monkey: Your choice, including but not limited to a Chimpanzee, a Finger Monkey, a Spider Monkey, a Sea Monkey… as long as it’s alive. Please refrain from Monkey’s in a Barrel, Monkey Bread, a Monkeys CD, or a stuffed animal Monkey with Velcro hands (I already have 3 of them.)
You Should Probably Click HERE

A Zorb Ball: I’m trying to watch my carbon footprint.  Plus I’m pretty sure you can’t get a DUI in a Zorb; I’m doubtful that Zorbing under the influence is frowned upon especially since whomever invented this gem was clearly under the influence of some pretty heavy shit themselves.  However, my counsel is looking into this.

If You're Unfamiliar With a Zorb Ball Click HERE

A Venus Fly Trap and a Pack of Bubble Yum: you do the math.

Dinner: I would like to be taken to dinner at The French Laundry which means you need to book a flight to Cali as well. I have Southwest Drink Coupons to share plus I’ll throw in my 100 calorie pack, everyone wins.
The French Laundry

Sparklers: I became a statistic this past 4th of July and blew up my thumb with a Sparkler so I never really got to enjoy it. I just want a do-over.

A Live-In Sushi Chef: I'd like to be able to name him whatever I want and he should be taller than me because adults that are any shorter than me freak me out a little and I can’t have that kind of energy around my sushi.
Should Look Something Like This

Crocodile Mile: There’s only one reason you shouldn’t know what this is and that’s if you’re an Eskimo.
You Run, You Slide, Hit the Bump and Take a Dive!

A Cotton Candy Machine:  Cotton candy has been a mystery to me since my Leawood Elementary Carnival days.  I’m sure you could write this gift off as an educational grant and perhaps I could get paid by the government for an independent study as I plan to devote the latter part of my twenties to solving the great mysteries of cotton candy (as well as find a cure to the Hang Over but that’s another story.)
Cotton Candy Machine


Just a glimpse.
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