Live From... The Road

As I drive across the country overdosed on coffee, South Beach bars and bubble yum while simultaneously going bananas from ipod withdraws which I think is directly related to my buns falling asleep, I can't help but notice the amount of time on my hot little hands. So in between trying to find a decent radio station with slight reception, stopping at beef jerky infested truck stops where I fear becoming a human trafficking victim and trying to maintain a mild form of sanity, I am live... from the road! My only form of entertainment has been my little brother, who has gotten himself in way over his head what with a 20 hour drive with yours truly, in a Uhaul nonetheless, and the absolutely ridiculous signage I encounter along the way. Let me paint the picture...

Every city in New Mexico seems to think they are the bee's knees. One called Tucumcari claiming they are the "Gateway to New Mexico." That's a little cocky for a town of 5,989 (nod to Google) and nothing to brag about if you ask me.

About 7 hours outside of Amarillo, TX they begin billboard advertisements for a free 70 oz steak at a place appropriately named The Big Texan (I will try not to go on a rampage about this.) The rules for this are like that of The Great Outdoors' Old 96er circa 1988. You must finish the entire steak, a baked potato and a nice little side salad. If you're successful, your $100 meal fit for a fucking family of grizzlies is free. If you're even considering this, you're probably due for your annual triple bypass and you deserve a swift kick in your giant carnivorous ass!

There's a town called Shamrock, TX who's sign asked me to "Stay and Play Awhile." Well, I stopped there and all they had were two competitive gas stations and a Sonic. What the hell am I supposed to play with, Shamrockians? Unless you've got some sidewalk chalk hidden away somewhere, it looks like I'm playin with myself... so, I stayed for an hour or so.

9 hours to go... Stay tuned.
lylys