Double Down?

I can think of a lot of things I like 'double.' Double Bubble, Double Whammies, Double Dates, Double Vodka Sodies. I can also think of a lot of things I like ‘down’, Down the Hatch, Down Town, Down Home with the Neeley’s, Downward Facing Dog. However, I cannot come up with any reason I would like a KFC Double Down. Not one instance where I’d like DOUBLE fried chicken breasts strangling DOUBLE bacon, DOUBLE cheese with a mysterious lard-based ‘Colonel Sauce’ squirted all over, DOWN my throat, not a one.

Whoever the genius, Butterball was that gave birth to the idea of this bun-less wonder is acutely sick in the head. What is this, Grease Fusion cuisine? It seems a bit primitive already that we gnaw our meat right off the bone and suck it directly from the wings that were all snuggled together in a bucket of grease. But slapping together two giant slabs of breast  in place of a bun seems far more barbaric and quite frankly, just fuckin’ grody. On a scale from Coronary to Quadruple Bypass, I give this shameless hunk of meat an “I’m Sorry Ma’am, We Did Everything We Could.” Vom!

This is what’s wrong with America today. We like to figure out what will kill us, and then back it off just a smidge. Eating this “sandwich” is like playing with asbestos. Eventually it WILL kill you. If you’re gonna consume a Double Downer ya may as well pick up a six pack of Four Loko, an Eightball of Cocaine and eat your DD in a dark alley in Tijuana while you’re at it… since you’re such a risk taker. That’s all I got. G' day!

lylys