It’s Friday, Friday, gotta
get down on Fridaaaaaay… fuck! Why am I singing
that song? I fucking hate that
song. I fucking hate that girl. Fuck yeah, it’s Friday! I’m gonna look so
cute and get so drunk with my friends and dance. Yeah, I can’t wait to fucking dance! I better start getting ready since it’s going
to take me 3 hours. I should put on some
techno before I get in the shower. I
only like techno because everybody else likes it. David Guetta, where you at? Ok, cool.
My music’s so fucking loud my neighbors probably think there’s an
earthquake. Hopefully they’ll remember
those stupid fucking cupcakes with little Santa hats I made them for Christmas
and not call in a noise complaint. Pink
is my favorite color.
Oh wow, that hot shower
was amazing. My hair smells like fucking
rainbow sprinkles and glory and my legs are so satiny smooth a midget could use
one as a stripper pole. Oh fuck you,
tiny tiny ankle hair! Every time. La la la make up, make up, make up. Doo doo de doo big hair, big hair, GIANT
fucking fluffy hair. Ladee doo de doo
sparkly lotion, shit yeah.
Ok, what should I wear? Do I want to accentuate my ass or my tits
tonight? Hmmmm… both! Duh.
Ok, where’s all that shit I bought at Forever21 yesterday? Gawd, I can’t believe I got 37 items for
$143. Fuck, I’m awesome! My girlfriends are going to love my new
sequins skirt that barely covers my vagina and they’re going to be so fucking
jealous of my brand new teeny tiny tube top.
Oh shit, what’s this? A fucking
rip in my new tube top? My tits must
finally be getting bigger. Forever21 has
the best quality shit, there’s no way that was already there. Oh well, I got one in ever color of the
fucking rainbow. I’ll just wear the
shiny gold one instead. Is gold in the
rainbow? It should be. I love rainbows.
Ok, my girlfriends should
be here any minute for pre-drinks. They’re
going to love the assortment of jellybeans I got us for dinner. Lalalaaaa box wine is so mother fucking
YUMMMMMY! Oh my gawd, my gold tube top
is so rad. It’s like gold tube top
inception. Like a gold tube top within a
gold tube top. I’m pretty.
Oh my gawd they’re here, I
feel like I haven’t seen them in years even though we just went to sushi happy
hour last night! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! They
look so fucking cute but I still look the hottest! Tube top, what whaaaat!! Oh my gawd, they love
all 3 of my cats. Mister Meowfuck
Meowington is so fucking cute I can’t stand it.
They wish they had my cats. Jenny
wishes she had my new gold tube top, I can tell. She’s always jealous of me. SHOTS!
Oh my gawd, I fucking love SoCo and Lime! I can’t wait to fucking dance
my face off! Let’s go!
Wait! I forgot my Victoria’s Secret Body Spray. There, now I smell like puppies and birthday
cake and desperation. LOVES IT!
I love singing Britney
Spears in the cab with my slutty friends.
SO. MUCH. FUCKING. FUN! Oh my
gawd, Taco Bell. I’m gonna tear the shit
outta fourth meal later! I want those
twisty cinnamon goodies all over my fucking bod. What, Mister Taxi Driver? You don’t take cash? Since when?
I wonder if I can pay him with a nipple slip and bubblegum? Perfect.
Here, drop us off right here so we can walk past this group of hot
guys. They’re all wearing True
Religions, gawd they’re so hot. Oh my
gawd, these shoes are so hard to walk in.
I bet we look like a group of zombie hookers trying to walk in these 6
inch stilettos but my ass looks fucking hot.
I love Hello Kitty.
Sweet, I love getting
stamped at the club. I feel so fucking
special even though we had to wait in that line for like 20 minutes. SHOTS!
Oh my gawd, bubblegum vodka!
Gimmeeeee!! This is my jam! I’m such a good dancer. I need more body spray. Oh my gawd, this is my fucking jam too. I’m gonna request the Black Eyed Peas. I wish I was Fergie. SHOTS!
Oh my gawd, I’m so fucking drunk.
Oh, cute boys! Let’s get them to
buy us shots and talk about my cats and my new gold tube top. And techno!
Wow, this boy is so fucking cute.
I can’t remember his name. I’m
just gonna call him V-neck. Since he’s
wearing a V-neck. Wait, they’re all
wearing V-necks. Ok, I’ll call him
Cookie Cutter, since he looks like him and all his friends where all made out
of the same fucking cookie cutter. JUST.
LIKE. US! Yes! We are so meant to be. Maybe Cookie will eat Taco Bell with us
later. Cookie smells like pine needles
and Monopoly Money. Yum! I’m gonna show him my lower back tattoo. It was supposed to be a butterfly but it
looks more like a Rorschach Ink Blot Test. I love
Christmas. I’m gonna go dance
with Cookie and rub my booty all over his True Religions. Oh my gawd, my song! I fucking LOVE Ke$ha even though she looks
like a dinosaur. SHOTS! Yum, I love special milk chocolate chip
icecream birthday cupcake blow job shots!
Those are my fucking favorite.
Body spraaaay! Taco Bell. Get Cookie’s digits. Taco mother fucking Bell.
Lets go! Gawd, Jenny is so
wasted. I can’t deal. Taco Bell. I think Cookie is my soul mate. I hope he calls me and asks me to go to the
Cheesecake Factory. Our kids would be so
fucking cute. I like cheese.
Holy shit, fuck, that Taco
Bell was so fucking good. I just wanna
put on my ex-boyfriends football jersey and spoon my fucking kitty cats and
dream about marrying Cookie. I wonder
why eggs don’t have a born on date? Oh
my gawd, tonight was so fucking fun. I
danced so good. Everyone loved my shiny tube
top. I can’t wait to do it again
tomorrow. But we’re leaving Jenny at
home. She’s such a skank. I can’t wait to wear my shiny silver tube top
tomorrow night. Oh my gawd, I love me.
lylys